It's not fair

Today was a bad day of realization and it hurts. I constantly hold on to people and give them chance after chance, even when they don't deserve it. So today was a final straw. I will NEVER have the mom that I want and that I am so jealous of that my friends have. I would kill to have a mom like Robyn Balli, Patti King or like Sandy Todd, but it will never happen. I have to type this so that I remember this and don't fall into a false sense of hope again. My mom doesn't care about me at all, she only pretends to care about me because she wants to have contact with her grandchildren. It's fine and I have cried and cried and cried and cried today but that is okay. I am trying to accept it and be a better mom to my girls, but it stills sucks. I don't understand why Heavenly Father had me grow up with the parents I did but sometimes it is really unfair and I wish I had a real mom. Oh well. Okay my pity party is done. Everything is worse when you are pregnant.