Sad Decision

After long consideration, research and contemplation with many changes of heart, Will and I have decided that due to many factors, we are not going to try for anymore children. We have been trying to a couple months, but after discussing the past pregnancies with my OB/GYN and pediatricians, I am really at risk for having another IUGR baby. IUGR means Intrauterine growth restriction or retardation. I plotted Ellie out on the fenton curve and she was less than the 10% for all of her stats. So she was considered symmetrical IUGR. Then Abby was for sure IUGR. She was less than 3% for her length and weight, but her head was 25%. This means Abby was asymmetrical IUGR. So after doing research and praying, the risk is too great for another IUGR baby. My chances go up because of my two previous infants being IUGR, and because of my hyperemesis gravidarium, morning sickness all day and all pregnancy long, this causes the baby to not get the nutrients because I can't keep anything down and then it causes placental insufficiency which leads to the baby being compromised. Just because logically I know these factors, I still yearn for a baby, but do not want to put a baby through that. I already have dealt with so much with Abby. The poor girl had so many pokes in the first two years of her life that I don't think I could torture another child like that. She is not gaining weight and has not gained since her 2 year appointment. She was 21 pounds at 2 years and is still 21 pounds. No growth with weight, but she is her development is appropriate so I am a little comforted. IUGR infants have major risks with inside the womb, increased risk of still birth and then usually have an extremely hard time with labor, which Abby did, and problems after. 30-40% of IUGR infants have mental delays and learning disabilities. So far, luckily, Abby has escaped many of the problems that IUGR infants are predisposed to. Ellie is also really small for her age, but she has not had as many tests as Ellie. I want another child very badly, but I am so afraid of getting pregnant again, puking like crazy and then possibly having a still birth because of how my body restricts the infants growth. There is nothing that can be done to prevent IUGR. I don't have high blood pressure which is the cause for many IUGR infants. If you do research, the OB/GYN and perinatologist would suggest bed rest and gaining as much weight as possible. While I am nauseated and vomiting all 40 weeks and taking Zofran everyday and getting IV's to prevent dehydration, I still gain weight during my pregnancy and I still had IUGR babies, so there is really no answer as to why I cannot have a baby with a healthy weight and no way to prevent it. The only way to treat it is to watch the infant closely and do Doppler studies and NST's and then if the baby stops growing then they would induce labor early and get the baby out. Then that increases the risks to the baby due to a premature birth. So with much praying and talking Will and I are done having children. We are so grateful for the children we do have and they are the world to us. I pray that my girls do not have the problems during pregnancy that I had. So I just wanted you all to know that so I guess I could avoid the inevitable questions of when we will be having our next baby. I feel like this is my trial and I have to have faith that I will be able to have more children in the eternities.